


Resistance is Fruitless

by Lyrstzha



Series: Fruitverse [2]
Category: Firefly
Genre: M/M, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-01-03
Updated: 2006-01-03
Packaged: 2017-10-05 15:48:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/43330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lyrstzha/pseuds/Lyrstzha
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The crew sits down to eat Kaylee's ill-gotten gains. Dessert's only a little plagued with illicit goats, overly clean Companions, the possibility of turning Jayne's ribs into eating utensils, and River trying to be helpful.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Resistance is Fruitless

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ana_grrl](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Ana_grrl).



> This will make a bit more sense if you read "Fruition" first, especially if you pay extra attention to River's lines. Translations are in mouseover as well at the end of the text.

The storage space was dim, and filled with assorted odds and ends. There were replacement parts, a few coils of rope and wire, some empty crates, and a couple of spare cry-babies. Mal poked through everything twice over, and re-coiled all the rope more tightly for good measure.

Mal sure wasn't hiding from Kaylee. It wasn't like he couldn't tell her no if she decided one little quince pie wasn't enough ill-gotten plunder for her. It wasn't like he went off skulking around the far corners of the ship by his lonesome on purpose. He'd been meaning to have a look-see at the storage spaces above the passenger dorms for quite some time, as it happened. It was pure coincidence that it was the last place anyone should think to look for him.

"Sir?" Zoë's voice floated up from below. There was a faint rasp of her hands on the rungs of the ladder before curly hair and dark eyes appeared at the top of the hatch in the floor. She looked entirely unsurprised to discover Mal, which was just all kinds of unfair. She pulled herself up to sit on the lip of the hatch. "Thought I might find you hidin' up here."

Mal drew himself up indignantly. "I ain't hidin'! I got me legitimate captainy things happen to need tending to in here." He waved a hand at the surrounding space, but there really wasn't all that much to see.

Zoë gave a solemn nod at the tiny room. "Sorry, Sir." Her tone was drier than the third day of a Regina dust storm. "Didn't mean to interrupt your mighty pressin' business with our spare _feh wu_."

Mal pointed an accusing finger at her. "Don't you go bein' so all-fired ironical. I don't hold with that kinda fractious-like behavior."

Zoë's lips quirked upwards at him briefly. "Won't happen again, Sir." Then she cocked her head at him and her expression turned keenly measuring. "Thought maybe you were up here because Inara ain't."

Mal felt his face shuttering closed. He was hiding from Inara even less than he was hiding from Kaylee. "Not you, too. I'm powerful sick of hearin' 'bout this." And he was; everybody talking on Inara's leaving like it was some grave calamity made no kind of sense he could see. It was her choice, after all. Wasn't like it was anything to do with any of them, especially not him. Wasn't like she was crew. "You know what she said first time I met her? Said she supported Unification. Just flat-out-like, bold as brass and twice as cold."

"Don't reckon she rightly conjures what that means, Sir. You know she ain't the enemy. She just ain't seen things from our side."

"And she won't never. That's why this is no kinda place for her. It's best she goes now, just like she wants to do her own self. Ain't like I'm throwin' her out." Mal's chin jerked in a sharp, decisive nod. "That's all I got to say on this."

Zoë, at least, knew to leave it at that. She dipped her head once in acknowledgment, and slid back onto the upper rungs of the ladder. "Just came to tell you Kaylee says you should come an' claim some pie if you've a mind to get any. Jayne was already carving off his second piece last I saw."

Mal sighed and dropped his coil of rope to follow after her. He figured he might as well get his share of the spoils. He could glare forbiddingly at Kaylee with his mouth full just fine, should she take it into her head to hanker after any more of their cargo.

The galley was full of laughter already; the rich, exuberant sound of it echoed down the corridor. When Zoë and Mal came through the door, Wash stood up to meet his wife at the table with a kiss. The warm, golden light of the table lamps fell on her face as she fetched up easily against him, like a full moon coming from eclipse to shine down on Wash alone.

Wash produced a plate for Zoë with a courtly flourish, sliding it over in front of her as they sat down beside each other. "I held the ravening hordes at bay with my manly threats of bloody vengeance." He nudged his shoulder against hers with a grin. "Well. Possibly it was my manly threats of your womanly bloody vengeance. I may have vowed that you'll make Jayne's ribs into an attractive set of chopsticks."

Zoë slanted a laughing kiss across Wash's mouth. "Wouldn't want to make a liar out of my man, but eatin' off any parts of Jayne's ain't like to do much good for my appetite."

Jayne, his mouth crammed improbably full of pie, made a muffled growl and a vaguely rude gesture.

"Cap'n! I saved you the best piece of all." Kaylee bounded from her seat and around the table to Mal with a plate in hand and a grin from ear to ear. He tried to remember not to smile at her, but there was just no help for it.

Mal took the plate and managed a shadow of a grumble. "You'd better have. That's my cargo you got baked in there."

She didn't look repentant at all, so Mal got on with his plan of glaring with his mouth full. For all that it had a protein crust, the pie was actually not too bad, but he made sure not to say so. No point in encouraging this kind of mutiny, after all.

Jayne successfully shoveled the last of his piece into his mouth and reached across the table for more only to have Kaylee slap his hand away. "Jayne! Leave some for 'Nara. She ain't finished her bath yet, an' I don't want her to miss out."

Jayne scowled at Kaylee and pulled his hand back with a grunt. "She shoulda got here sooner, then. Why's she need a ruttin' bath just for Ezra anyhow? Ain't likely there'll be folk she can sex there. Not 'less she's givin' out free thrusts now."

Mal's fingers tightened on his plate, and his mouthful of pie took a few swallows to get down. He didn't look up from the table as he put in, "Ain't gonna be there long anyway. Got us a job lined up on Persephone in a few weeks. Be plenty of work there for her." He didn't add _if she's still here then_, but he could hear the space the words left.

Jayne frowned and crossed his arms across his chest. "That _chwen joo_ Badger got somethin' for us? Little man ain't nothin' but gorram trouble, you ask me."

Mal gave a faint snort of agreement. "That he is, but it makes no never mind. The deal's solid. Got us set up movin' goods for his lordliness Sir Warrick again."

Wash slouched forward across the table in a comfortable sprawl. "Are there going to be more passengers of the cow persuasion? Because Zoë and me had this notion about black-market beagles I think we should explore."

Mal quirked the corner of his mouth into a wry grin and shook his head. "No cattle. Seems it's goats this time."

Simon paused with his spoon in the air and frowned at Mal from the other side of the table. "Goats. I mean...goats."

"Somethin' wrong with goats, Doc?" Mal raised an eyebrow at him and let a little challenge seep into his voice.

Simon waved a hand dismissively. "No, no. Never mind. I'm sure goats are very...illicit. You're a criminal mastermind."

Jayne smirked broadly. "Goats're plenty illicit for some folks. Out in the back beyond, them farm boys get up to all kinda things."

River looked up from her own piece of pie to grin a mite unsettlingly at Jayne. The light glinted off of her even teeth and the whites of her eyes. "Making satyrs. Half-goats with curly horns nestled in their hair. Symbols of lust and fertility," she told him cheerfully, with an accompanying hand motion that was vague, yet all manner of disturbing anyway.

Simon stared at his sister with wide-eyed alarm, then turned to glare at Jayne with obvious disgust. "I suppose I shouldn't be shocked at this point that bestiality is part of your impressive repertoire of scintillating dinner conversation."

"_I'm_ shocked. I had no idea Jayne knew the word 'illicit'. Who saw that coming?" Wash snickered and leaned back against Zoë.

"See _this_ comin'." Jayne tossed a spoon across the table to bounce off of Wash's shoulder with a tiny, muffled thump.

Zoë raised an eyebrow at him pointedly. "Chopsticks, Jayne."

Whatever retort Jayne might have managed to that was derailed by Kaylee bouncing up with a welcoming cry as Inara glided gracefully through the door. Ever since Inara had announced her imminent departure, Mal had noticed that Kaylee went even further out of her way than usual to be warm and fond with her, as if that might change Inara's mind about leaving. Even something about the thrum of Serenity's engine felt vaguely brooding to Mal these days, but he couldn't quite have said how. He looked away and didn't watch as she hugged Inara with one arm and pressed a plate of pie on her. As they stood together by the door, their voices tangled together in a soft, affectionate jumble that Mal let drift over his head without fishing the river of sound for sense.

"Might have wanted to wait til we were all gone to come an' claim your share," Mal remarked in a hard voice after a minute, cutting across the low hush of their dialogue. "No point your gettin' all clean as a whistle if you're just gonna sit down with dirty folk like us." He stabbed at his own pie, not looking up.

An uncomfortable silence fell, and Mal felt a prickling sensation that was surely Kaylee's reproachful gaze fixing on him.

"How inconsistent of you, Captain." Inara's voice was silk-sheathed steel. "Here I thought _I_ was supposed to be the unclean whore polluting _your_ table. Make up your mind."

Mal heard the soft hiss as she turned on the heel of her fine slipper. He listened to the whisper of her dress as she stalked back down the hall the way she'd come, and then the clomp of Kaylee's boots as she chased after. He still didn't look up. Wasn't like he'd said anything more than truth to her, anyhow.

The awkward silence still hung over the table, and Mal could feel the weight of many pairs of eyes not looking at him. Well, except for Jayne, who went on picking his teeth with his boot knife, but he'd never exactly been one to pay much heed to the subtle shades of a conversation.

River's giggle broke the quiet. "Need a new farmer to pull your plow," she said brightly to Mal. "The ones you've chosen so far reap only bitter fruits from your fields."

Mal choked hard, and thought for a moment that he'd swallowed his tongue.

Mal's jaw worked a few times before he found words. He gestured emphatically at her with his spoon. "You put a stop to that kinda crazy talk right now, _dong ma_? Don't want to hear no more 'bout any plows from you, 'specially mine," he growled at her.

"What—? She was just _talking_; she didn't mean any harm." Simon put an arm around River defensively, favoring Mal with a fierce glare. Boy might be prissy and irritating, but Mal sure couldn't fault his mettle or his loyalty.

That didn't stop him from trying to stare the Doc down, but that was for the principle as much as anything else. Besides, winding Simon up could be pretty gorram hilarious, and what with everyone in his business all of a sudden, Mal figured he deserved a bit of fun.

The 'verse must not have agreed, because Book leaned forward to look at him sternly from the far end of the table. "Feeling a mite prickly today, Captain?" he ventured, gently reproving.

Mal made a noncommital but decidedly unencouraging noise in his throat.

"Just very astringent. You'd think he was no good to eat if you bit right into him. Have to treat him right, be patient." River grinned slyly at Mal from around Simon, cocking her head to the side like a bird. "Can be all warm and sweet if you're careful. If..." She trailed off and let Mal's memory fill in the rest: _"If you wait," she'd said, her eyes sliding towards the stairs from the infirmary to her left. "For a good cook."_

Her grin widened. "Simon's a good cook," she added lightly, as though she were changing the subject. Her eyes slid sideways to her brother, drawing Mal's gaze along for the ride with a pull like a moon's gravity.

Simon's lush mouth was hanging open a little as he sat blinking in wide-eyed consternation. The tip of his tongue curled out with hypnotic sinuousness to lick his lips, leaving them entrancingly glossy in the lamplight. And _that_ was just _all kinds_ of wrong.

"But _mei mei_, I can barely make tea. Kaylee made the pie," Simon said slowly, looking between his sister and Mal, brow furrowed in complete bafflement. Mal gaped back at him and couldn't form a coherent thought to save his life.

"No way no how, little girl!" He finally spluttered, wrenching his gaze away from Simon and back to River. "Know you said some moon-brained things before, but this _ri shao gou shi bing_..." He ran aground there. There just weren't words. Him and Simon? It was so harebrained it didn't bear thinking about. Not that he was. Or ever had. Or ever planned to.

"Is the girl being too _subtle_ for you?" River singsonged sweetly at Mal, wearing her very best bratty expression.

Mal might not generally have been good about knowing when to retreat, but even he had an awful strong notion that this was the time, if ever there was one. He stood hastily, before anything more disturbifying could come out of River's mouth. "Be on the bridge. Got some things need doin'," he offered tersely as he made his getaway.

"He tetchy 'bout somethin'?" Mal heard Jayne ask just as he cleared the doorway.

He walked faster.

Before he got quite out of earshot down the hall, Mal heard Simon's mystified, "What was _that_ about?"

River's voice answered him. "Can't shake your presents after they're wrapped. That's cheating."

Mal twitched. Some days the 'verse just plumb hated him was all. Didn't mean no more than that.

**************

_feh wu_ = junk  
_chwen joo_ = moron, literally 'retarded pig'  
_dong ma_ = understand  
_mei mei_ = little sister  
_ri shao gou shi bing_ = pile of sun-baked dog shit


End file.
